Valentine's Day Posts are the Worst...

As I was driving home from grad school tonight I couldn't help but notice all the other cars on the road. Our class gets out at 10pm, but tonight by God's good graces we were let out early. Typically,  my half hour drive home on Monday nights is sparse of other drivers and provides a peaceful opportunity to decompress.

Not tonight.

Red break lights glared everywhere. They were everywhere! Weaving in and out of lanes, going much too slow or too fast and all in my way.

After being cut off, and between belted Steffany Gretzinger lyrics, I let it out.

"Who ARE these people!?!"

This was the second time in 24 hours I'd muttered (shouted) such a phrase. With angst.

You see, yesterday at 10pm I made a horrible mistake. I scrolled my social media all their chocolate dipped strawberry, red rosed, smiling coupled, engagement rings the size of my face glory.

People were coming out of the woodwork with significant others I didn't even know existed! And not just "people" was the people you secretly think "oh yeah, them, they don't have a person yet, they're not dating yet, they're too _____ to date...I'm good...I'm solid...I'm going to be okay because they are in my boat" kind of people. 

Turns out that when you're a recovering morose broken heart, prone-to-pity-party, jealous-but-won't-admit-it-because-it's-not-Jesus-like single person, Valentine's Day posts are the worst and people don't ask your permission to get out of your boat.

I promise I'm not a least all the time. I think many would be first to say that I tend to be overly excitable and passionate and much too loud in my outgoing encouragement of others' happiness, accomplishments and life-things on a day-to-day basis. But last was just too hard not to compare and wish and covet and be a bit sad.

I know I'm not alone here. I also know that coveting doesn't stop. 

Regardless of our life stage, we all at times fall victim to the trap of wanting something we don't currently have. We go about life with the false thinking that once we have this thing or that person or that job or this pregnancy or that house, everything will be happy and fulfilling and fall into place.

Not so.

Our desires may be good ones, but unless they are submitted to Christ as our one and only source of fulfillment and happiness, they will bring nothing but destruction to our souls.

I've spent countless nights crying myself to sleep asking why questions. I've listened and encouraged and walked alongside others as they processed their own seasons of "why" and "why not now" and "why her or him and not me" but I have to tell you something, although God is right there ready to take our spiritual flipping of the bird and punches into our pillows and naughty words and tears of pain and suffering, all He wants is our hearts wholly devoted and trusted to Him. His faithfulness and love is all we could ever need...something I'm still learning.

Maybe you're not looking for a spouse. Maybe dating is the absolute last thing on your list right now. That's fine. Power to you. But I can guarantee you want something.

Promise me (promise yourself) that that thing you covet, that thing you want so badly it hurts. That thing that keeps you up at night wondering and dreaming and planning and worrying. That thing that you think will change your life forever...promise me you'll release it. Let it go. It's not yours to be had.

Let God be your one thing, let him fulfill you. Because, in the end, nothing else will.
1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the refuge and fortress of my life—
Whom shall I dread?

2 When the wicked came against me to eat up my flesh,
My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell.

3 Though an army encamp against me,
My heart will not fear;
Though war arise against me,
Even in this I am confident.

4 One thing I have asked of the Lord, and that I will seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life,To gaze upon the beauty [the delightful loveliness and majestic grandeur] of the Lord and to meditate in His temple.

5 For in the day of trouble He will hide me in His shelter;
In the secret place of His tent He will hide me;
He will lift me up on a rock. 
6 And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me,
In His tent I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.  (Psalm 27)

Letting go isn't easy. I definitely don't have it figured out. I'm learning every day what it means to live loved and trust when all I want to do is take things into my own hands and run far, far away all Jonah style. But. I think that's the beauty of a weird, totally Myers-Briggs type P way that deep down frustrates me beyond belief. I'm getting there, you will too.

Peace to you,


  1. I don't know you, but this is exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I tend to hold on to my desire for certain things instead of giving them to God. I think your analogy about a boat is rather ironic, because we tend to look at other people as being fish in the sea. And I tend to look at myself as a catch, so why has nobody caught me? Thank you for sharing! I look forward to continue to read this blog.

    1. I'm so happy to hear you were encouraged! There are many of us out there on the sea...tyring to row towards Jesus (and sometimes not so much towards Jesus) amongst waves crashing and spraying. I think sometimes we're Peter...and a lot of times we're Jonah and we just want to give up and be thrown to sea. Keep rowing. Know your worth and that you're loved regardless of whether you've been caught or not. You're "caught" in the love of the Father...and that's all that matters. No worries...this is just as a much a message to me, too. ;)

  2. Hi Steph! My name is Stef too! I'm 28, single, and relate to your blog quite well...Too well haha. I think it's wonderful that you are being so candid about your feelings and struggles, because like you said, it's not always "Christian-like" to do so. I am too on this path of learning how to trust God with this area of my life and others. A question that's always nagged me is what does giving up and trusting God look like in a dating relationship and how do we know we are doing it?

    1. Stef-

      Gosh, me too. I'm not sure I've always done it well even when I've had the best of intentions. And yet, I think that's the beauty of it...because God just cares that we try. He knows we're not going to be perfect. One thing I've settled on (despite all the advice I've heard and read over the years) is that you can't change people. You also can't cut off pieces of yourself and calling so that you fit. I think for too long I've fought for relationships w great guys who just didn't fit. Nothing will be perfect-but I think I took that to the extreme because I didn't want to admit that the relationship was not best for either person for whatever reason. I don't believe there is one soul mate, I just don't, but I do believe God places people in our lives and that he cares greatly---at least I'm learning that.

      What do you think it looks like? What's the litmus test and how have you proceeded in the past?

      All my best and thanks for reading and engaging!


  3. Steph! My heart went out to you reading this!!!! I totally related to everything you were feeling. As I mentioned before, Only the other day I was comforting a friend who was asking "why" questions. I do all the time and myself love to have a good old pitty-party. It's so important to realise that we idolise having a boyfriend and it takes our eyes off God. Only he can fulfill that whole inside of us you talk about. Would definitely recommend still reading "get lost" as it talks about this! :) Proud of you! Keep up the great work :) God bless, Ella xx

    1. Continue to give your hopes and dreams over to God for He cares for you Xx Ella